Tuesday, September 30, 2008

A problem with my self-image.

I'm happy enough about the way I look. ("Phew!" I hear you all exhaling.) Sure I could be thinner, or have whiter teeth, or clearer skin, or be less fat, but generally when I stare at myself naked in the mirror for hours I'm okay with what I see. And then I see pictures of myself and am horrified. I finally figured out what a third-grader could have figured out: I am not symmetrical. All these years I have grown accustomed to (and even fond of) the image I see looking back at me, while in actuality, I appear the EXACT OPPOSITE! Compare these two photos. The first is the way I see myself:
Friendly, confident, handsome, hair swept to the LEFT. A guy you can trust. A guy you'd like to have a beer with, but also think can handle our current economic crisis as well as two foreign wars.

Now, here is the Chris that the you (the public) are used to, the one I never see:
Shifty, lazy, incompetent, hair swept to the RIGHT. A guy who'll let you down. A guy you can't stand being around; someone who'll blow $700 billion on Cheetos and start a war with Barbados.

There seems to be a simple solution. I could start parting my hair on the other side. Then you all would see the me I see now, the charming, good-looking, world-changer. But what would I see every morning during my ritual mirror-stare? An ugly, morally bankrupt shitbag with stupid-looking hair. Could I bear looking at that for the rest of my life, even if I knew that everyone else saw the opposite? Could you?



P.S. I've forgotten how I look with short hair. I think that means it is time for a trim. Wish me luck.

P.P.S. A second ago I accidentally typed "Whish" instead of "Wish." But the more I think about it, the more I want you to whish me luck too. LUCK!

3 comments:

Eli said...

Neither of these Bozos look like the Chris I know.

C Neal said...

It's strange, but somehow the top picture really does look better.

mch said...

SEE?!!!!!!