Dear Mr. Rick Warren,
I don't know that I want to admit what my worst sin ever is, but my most recent one would have to be the sin of gluttony. Or was it greed? Or both? They always seem to run together, don't they? Gosh, I'd love to see someone fit all seven into one. That would be something! In any case... my sin of gluttony? I ate a slice of pizza. Not just ANY slice, though, and not just ANY pizza, either! The pizza had a thin crust, with a tangy marinara sauce and cheese, and the toppings? Oh, the toppings! Spicy elk sausage. Jalapeños. Cranberries. Feta cheese. Spicy elk sausage, jalapeños, cranberries, and feta cheese!! That was the pizza. As for the slice? It was sitting alone on the plate, the rest of the pizza having been quickly devoured by me and my bandmates. I stared at it and felt conflicted; I shared my concerns with our guitarist. I told him that, a few days earlier, I had been talking to my friend Will, and had mentioned that the band would soon be playing at this pizza establishment that sold, among others, this amazing spicy elk sausage/jalapeño/cranberries/feta pizza. Actually, I think I only remembered the elk sausage and cranberries. Still, Will was intrigued, and I told him that, if I could, I'd save a slice for him, bringing it back to Portland from McCall, Idaho.
But at that moment, with the last slice lying so vulnerably in front of me, I felt myself losing control. I asked my bandmate for guidance.
"Eat it," he said. Clearly he had no sympathy for my internal conflict.
"I'm sorry, Will, I'm sorry!" I cried, but my cries were muffled by pizza.
Possible things to say to Will (who reads this blog) when I see him:
- "I didn't think you'd like the jalapeños." LIE! I'm pretty sure he would have liked it more.
- "It wouldn't have been very good after sitting in the car for a day." IRRELEVANT! Will deserves to make that evaluation himself, doesn't he?
- "I lost it in a game of chance." EPIPHANY! Life is the ultimate game of chance. Whoa...
In truth, I have no excuse. I'll just say to him, "Will, I'm sorry that I am a greedy, gluttonous, jealous, slothful, vain person with a lust for pizza. Can you ever forgive me?" Stay tuned next week for his equally verbose answer!
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2 comments:
ok, you've got me laughing out loud in the apartment. crying too. thank you. i liked this post so much i clicked from my iGoogle to open up the 'original item' in new window (why can't safari do it automatically in a new tab without a control-click?) just so i could comment. we miss you.
Chris, you recreant ne'er-do-well! I can only forgive this most heinous transgression by deferring to the probability that I almost certainly would have done the same, in your position.
Verbose enough?
Thanks for a hilarious post, which I think demonstrates more-than-adequate penitence on your part.
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